Calvin College 50-year Reunion Celebration 2013

“I’m at peace,” I heard a woman say. My husband and I were attending Calvin’s 50th reunion last weekend when I overheard this comment. She went on to explain that she was facing a  life-threatening surgery.

From her story and demeanor, I felt she was saying she was ready for any untoward outcome. I thought it ironic that the same thought came unbidden to me when I had a recent health scare and felt each breath may be my last.

You might say Calvin is our “family tradition” college. My parents went there, as did my four siblings and their spouses. I met my husband at Calvin, and our children and their spouses went there. And our oldest granddaughter is on her way to graduating in two years.

And I can say with certainty that we all are at peace with whatever life holds for us, knowing we will be given, if necessary, the grace we need to persevere.

I’m grateful to Calvin College for honoring its 50-year graduates in a faith-filled, reaffirming our heritage,  two days of celebration.

I’m happy they included those of us who started with this class and then went on to nurses’ training.

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I’m happy I had the opportunity to reunite with high school friends who went on to Calvin.

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I’m  happy my nephew, alumni association president, was the one to drape my Calvin medallion on me during a special ceremony.

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It was fun to be in the audience when my grandnephew graduated with around  800 members of his class. And it was especially fun when his mom, my niece, found us in the crowd in the packed arena.

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Plus it was fun (are you getting the message that this whole time was great?) to run into one of  my husband’s nephews, a former Kent County Sheriff, now with Campus Safety.  IMG_2102

Whatever had transpired in the lives of our classmates during the 50 years–outstanding successes or adversities, I felt a solid sense of joy and gratitude during informal conversations and formal presentations for our God-centered higher education and lives.

And while singing, more than once, our “dear” Alma Mater:

Calvin, Calvin, sing we all to thee;

to dear Alma Mater we pledge fidelity.

Forever faithful to maroon and gold,

they name and honor we ever shall uphold.

Calvin, Calvin, God has been thy guide;

dear Alma Mater, thy strength He shall provide.

Be loyal ever to the faith of old.

God’s name and honor we ever shall uphold.

Finally, for more fun yet, it was perfect to end our celebration with a chili supper with family members before heading back to Chicago.

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We feel blessed to be part of the Calvin College Class of 1963.

* Read more about Calvin College and Commencement here.

Grandma’s Lost Blankee Story

Anyone with toddlers knows that the loss of a favorite blanket can become a grandma’s nightmare.  But not for this grandma, not if I could help it.

Last week my husband and I babysat, actually babyran, our two youngest grandchildren for four days. Eighty-seven hours. Numbers wise, they are our fourth and fifth grandchildren. G4 is a sweet gal at three, G5 is all boy at two.

Out for a run, surveying the aftermath of damage from an ice storm

Out for a run, surveying the aftermath of damage from an ice storm

Our term of office ran smoothly—the play times of coloring, making puzzles, reading books, and jaunting a mile to the backyard swing set; the meal times with Spaghettios, blackberries, green beans, barbecued ribs, grapes, and raisin bread; and nap and bedtimes UNTIL… You guessed it. The bedtime on the third night when G5’s blankee went AWOL. Come with me to experience this scene:

Grandma puts G5 to bed and discovers four of the usual blankets in the crib, but the fifth most cherished blanket is absent. Grandma offers the one blanket that is similar in texture to G5. G5 launches his body to standing position, grabs on to the crib rails, and sends out a clarion call: “Blankee, blankee, blankee.”

G4, who stands alongside the crib with Grandma, says, “I find it. I find it” and begins opening and closing the six drawers of a dresser that once served as her mom’s baby dresser. Unfinished from Sears, still painted white with blue drawers.

Grandma peers over G4’s shoulders. “Where could it have gone?”

G4: “I don’t know, Gramma. I find it.” She takes off for her room and begins a similar search. Grandma follows, stopping at the doorway of G5’s room to say, “Don’t worry, buddy, Grandma will find your blankee. I will be right back.” G5’s voice reduces to a plaintive plea, “Blankee, blankee, blankee.”

Grandma proceeds to inspect every nook, cranny, drawer and closet of three bedrooms and two baths.

G4: “Maybe it’s downstairs, Gramma. I go find it.” Grandma and G4 sing their way downstairs: “Oh where, oh where, has the blankee gone, oh where, oh where has it gone?”

In the kitchen, Grandpa, after making a gourmet dinner of leftovers (Spaghettios preferred  by G5 as a sauce over canned peaches), is doing dishes.  Grandma says: “We have a serious problem. G5’s favorite blanket is not in his crib.”

Grandpa: “Doesn’t he have others?”

Grandma, a bit exasperated, says: “Yes, of course. But I know he won’t settle down unless he has his favorite one.” Grandpa dries his hands and joins the search. Grandpa follows Grandma and searches the same areas because Grandma’s been known to miss things that Grandpa later finds. No cupboard or closet is left untouched in the remaining two levels of the house, including at least twenty toy containers. Lots of books, Fisher Price people, blocks, sequined dresses and tiaras, and stuffed animals, but no blankee.

When the search appears futile, Grandpa heads out the door and begins the mile trek out to the swing set that has a playhouse on top. Before dinner, the kids had been climbing ladders and yelling “El-low-ow” ” and “Hi-i-i-i-i-“ from the little house while Grandma sat, exhausted, in a plastic Adirondack chair she’d dragged out there from the porch. In response, Grandma sang back, “Hello” and “Hi”, with a happy grin that matched the grins of the delighted grandchildren.  Had they dragged the blankee out there without her noticing?

When Grandpa was halfway to the swing set, Grandma called from the kitchen, “Honey, I found it.” The joy in her voice was palpable.

And where do you think the blankee was? Just where you’d expect to find a missing blankee! Stuffed into the dishtowel drawer next to the refrigerator in the kitchen.

Grandma calls to G4 who is checking behind the couch in the living room, “G4, Grandma found the blankee.” G4 comes running.

Grandma, standing by the culprit drawer, asks: “How do you suppose the blankee got in this dish towel drawer?”

G4: “I don’t know.” She shrugs her shoulders, eyes bright and wide. “Maybe wash?”

The logic or cunning of a toddler. Grandma knew better than to ask Grandpa if he, in cleaning up the kitchen, had stuffed the coveted blanket in the dishtowel drawer. She thought he’d recognize that a large, square, fleece, baseball/soccer ball/football print blanket would not be a dishtowel. She knew G5 was not tall enough to have done the deed. Could she have done it herself? Even though her marbles were thoroughly scrambled by this third night, she didn’t think she would have done it.

So it had to be G4. She was a “big helper” when it came to picking up. And the kids were known to play house with the dishtowels, draping them over each shelf of a multi-shelved curio cabinet, shelves emptied to save any knickknacks from inadvertently becoming toys.

G4 asks: “I bring it? I bring it?” Grandma gives the blanket to G4 and together they spring up the stairs and skip to G5’s bedroom where he stands sadly in his crib. When he spots the blanket, his face lights up so adoringly that Grandma’s heart skips a beat, dangerous at her age of seventy-one, but worth it for that endearing look.

G4 throws the blanket over the crib side. G5 grabs it, drops to his knees, clutches the blanket to his chest, falls face down on the mattress, haunches still in the air, and with a cherubic grin on his face, says, “Nigh nigh.”

Grandma smiles inside, turns on the vaporizer, switches on the Mozart CD, pulls the blinds, and turns out the light. As she and G4 leave the room, Grandma turns, “Night night, buddy, Grandma loves you. See you tomorrow. Just one more day till Mommy and Daddy come home.”

None too soon, Grandma thinks, knowing why people have their kids when they’re young.

Hues & Booze Party – An Evening of Hilarity and Discovered Talent

Private painting party for 10. Instructors teach paintings through an easy to follow step-by-step process.

 These words attracted me to this silent auction item at the recent Mental Health America of Illinois benefit in Chicago. I couldn’t pass it up. Ever since my failed attempt at creating apples that looked like apples (and not flat circles) in a painting class more than forty years ago (Caring Lessons, p. 58), I’ve had a buried need to try again.

 So I bid. The following week, I got a call from Mental Health America. I’d won! So I called the artist, Sarah O’Brien, and set a date.

Then I gently begged nine friends to come over. Well, I was not so gentle with the person who’d invited us to the benefit. I’d told her that evening that if I won, she’d have to come.

On the night of the party, Sarah, owner and lead artist of Hues & Booze, arrived at my home with her suitcase of supplies for ten party goers: easels, aprons, table cloths, paints, brushes, canvases for each of us to take home afterwards, and, don’t forget, the wine.

Artist Sarah O'Brien at work

Artist Sarah O’Brien at work

 Now, you have to know, we were all novices, so the “easy to follow step-by-step process” lulled us into a silly I-can-do-this mode. And from a variety of choices, such as still life, landscape, and abstract, my friends and I chose to paint an abstract, thinking it would be easiest.

Gathering around Sarah as she demonstrated what we were going to do

We gathered around Sarah as she demonstrated what we were going to do.

We "drew" our line with tape that separated the top from the bottom. separating the top from the bottom with tape.

We “drew” a line with tape that separated the top from the bottom.

We painted (with shading!) above and below our lines.

We painted (with shading!) above and below our lines.

Next, we stippled our paintings with pieces of foam.

Next, we stippled our paintings with pieces of foam.

My daughter's famous dipped and decorated pretzels added to the festive atmosphere.

My daughter’s famous dipped and decorated pretzels added to the festive atmosphere.

Dipped pretzels enhanced the party atmosphere.

Pretzel versus paint brush. What will it be?

Sarah brought a "model" for us to follow, and then she  demonstrated the "easy" steps of how to do it.

Sarah brought a “model” for us to follow, and then she demonstrated the “easy” steps of how to do it.

Notice how are our finished paintings were supposed to look. Some of us were more successful than others in following the model! Disclaimer: Sarah said we could do our own thing if we liked.

Enjoy the following slide show. Several of us opted out of trying a second figure. One was hard enough! Note the variations in our figures. Imagine the hoots and howls as we critiqued our fellow artists’  renditions of  legs, arms, and other body parts!

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Here’s a sampling of what my friends had to say about the party:

“I loved your party–such a fun way to be with friends.”

“Your party was so much fun…Thanks again for a the wonderful evening.”

“I’m sorry that it has taken me so long to thank you for sharing “hues & booze” with me. However, I have been occupied with bidding wars for my paintings since I participated in this class.”

So, thank you, Sarah, for a wonderfully fun and instructive party!

Think of Sarah if you live in the area and want to throw a unique party. You can read more about her at Hues & Booze  or contact her at sarah@huesandbooze.com.

Ten Things I Will Not Think About in My Last Seconds of Life

My scare--on a heart monitor at Northwestern Hospital in Chicago

My scare–on a heart monitor at Northwestern Hospital in Chicago

 You may think writing down these ten things is bizarre. Well, the idea is not mine. It’s an exercise my writing group agreed to do for this week’s meeting, adopting it from “The Time is Now” column in the March/April issue of Poets&Writers.

 And just having had a scare in which I thought I may be in my last seconds of life, it may seem like cheating to write this list, because I know what went through my mind, but I never shortchange an assignment, so here goes.

 The directions say to do a free write for ten minutes, listing the ten things I will not think about in my last seconds of life, then turning the list into an essay. They suggest lingering on each thing, letting “it grow into its full potential” (p. 44), and further suggest each thing could become an essay of its own someday.

 So step one: write the ten things without thinking. That’s what a free write is. Put your pen to paper, put on a timer, and write. So, I first distracted myself by watching the news—becoming distraught when I heard my favorite Caribou Coffee hangout may be on its way out—and then picked up my pen and wrote.

 Here is what my subconscious said I won’t think about in my last seconds of life:

 weight, laundry, to do list, aerobics, holey socks, weather, writing assignments, friends I’ve forgotten to call, my blog, my book

Step two: write a brief essay hooking these items together.

” Once upon a time, there was a weight fanatic who cut her aerobics class because her only clean socks were holey and she’d not done the laundry for days. Cutting the class was not a way out for her, though, because then she brooded at her desk about her endless to-do list, writing assignments yet to be completed, friends she’d abandoned, the blog post she’d forgotten to write, and her book that would languish if she didn’t continue her efforts to let people know it existed.

“As she brooded, her mood began to match the somber gray weather out the window.She’d have been better off going to aerobics wearing her holey socks. Who would have seen her socks? Now she’d have to deal with her procrastination.”

 Okay, so it’s not a polished essay. But I did get all my things in! I think my list came from on top of my subconscious because these are actual things I think about each day. And I can easily see how each of them could morph into an essay of its own.

 So, what did I think about when that boulder crashed into my chest? As the pressure climbed its way up to my neck, I thought of Shirley, a high school friend, who was admitted through ER on a Sunday and died on Thursday. As the pressure climbed up  into my jaw, settling in my teeth, I  heard my voice talking in my head, “If it’s my time, it’s okay.” And with that, I was surrounded by a warm blanket of peace.

Seconds later, I heard sirens. They were coming for me.

Now, ten days later (my  heart checked out fine), I’m here at my Caribou, editing this assignment for posting here.

New Caribou Coffee logo, in use from March 1, ...

 Try this writing exercise. See what happens in a less than a half hour’s time. If you do, you will discover the joy a writer gets from writing, from uncovering that which is inside of you, bursting to get out. Do it, even if you don’t have to for a writing group assignment.

Caribou Coffee Logo/Photo Credit:  Wikipedia

Nurse Turned Inpatient

If you live with a chronic illness, you know that nothing surprises you. You are used to new symptoms arising out of the blue, and you are accustomed to doctors’ visits, diagnostic tests, and hospitalizations.

About a year ago, I swore off doctors for treatment of my fibromyalgia. Weary of chasing a cure and reaching a level of tolerable pain, I cleared my calendar and said “no more” to any appointments related to health.

That intention dissolved when I contracted scabies in early February. I’ve become a regular at the dermatologist’s office and have totally broken my” no more doctors” vow.

But that’s not all.  I’ve even outdone myself. In a matter of minutes last Friday, I went from looking forward to breakfast out with my husband to taking him along with me for a ride in an ambulance.

It seems that during a routine follow-up appointment with my internist, updating him on my scabies progress, my chest decided to entertain the instant crush of a boulder. The boulder rapidly moved up to my neck and teeth and then darted through my body. I guess if the boulder decided to visit, it did not want to miss my back. Not expecting this guest, I calmly announced, “I think something is wrong.”

Within minutes I was whisked away on a portable chair, down a freight elevator, through an office building lobby, to the fire department ambulance double parked out front. Have you ever had this kind of ride? It’s unnerving. I scanned the faces of all the people in my wake. What were they thinking? I’m glad it’s you and not me. Or were they saying a prayer for me as I rolled by, a habit I’ve picked up ever since my last ambulance ride in 2005 when I broke my hip. Whatever those people were doing, I had an urge to wave, but thought that behavior would be inappropriate.

Marv soon joined me and off we went: sirens screaming, traffic stopping, pedestrians gawking. “So, this is what it’s like to ride in one of these,” my husband said wisely. Meanwhile I was worrying about the boulder and the tablespoons of blood dripped on my new sweater during attempts to start an IV.

At the ER, while morphine attended my boulder, Marv called our kids, both living hundreds of miles away, both very concerned, both wanting to jump on planes instantly. Apparently their dad led them to believe it was less than a perfect day.

As I slid from the CT scanner back to the ER cart, I thought of a way I could hope to assuage their long distance concerns. I had my newish iPhone in my purse, and my purse was hidden under my heated blanket.

By the way, did you read that article on health care costs a few weeks ago in Time magazine? It listed an itemized cost for heated blankets, so naturally dollar signs  blazed in my head, especially when the technician brought me a second one.

Anyway, I thought I would take pictures to text our kids so they would know I was alive and well, and that, as a retired  nurse with a sense of humor, I was up to this untoward event .

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The best thing that happened during this two-day one-night stay was when I wandered next door to see with whom I shared a bathroom. I hoped it would be a woman! She saw me wearing my slacks and tennis shoes under my patient gown, and she hopped out of bed to put on hers. We modeled our Easter blue dresses, complemented by white terry cloth shawls (aka bath towels), for Marv and then roamed the hallways until we found a window. Windowless rooms were not our thing. We compared stories and it quickly became clear we shared a sense of humor, plus a tad of angst, about our unplanned side trips on this Easter weekend.

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I would be remiss if I didn’t tell you that after my friend had her final test earlier than I did, and she was discharged, I became a bit (or a lot) impatient and asked the nurse about signing out AMA (against medical advice) and coming in the next day outpatient. I texted that info to my daughter. Her response: “Do not leave.”‘ At the same time, she sent out a family email asking if folks remembered the commercial in which someone is crabby until they get their Snickers bar. She had diagnosed my problem! I’d been fasting for my second 18-hour stretch since admission, and I was CRABBY and ready to sign myself out. But I listened. And I stayed.

Marv left, but not before he brought me a sandwich that I could grab the instant I was cleared to eat. And on the way home, I directed the cab to an ice cream shop. I thought I deserved CALORIES after my two lengthy fasts. So I was home sweet home at last, hot fudge sundae in hand.

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The next day was Easter. I was teary as I entered our church. The results of my tests had been normal, and I’ll be following up with my doctor, so I’ll have to go on breaking my “no doctor” vow, but to be able to sit in church on this special day, thinking of its significance, was an overwhelming experience.

My spirits cheered as the brass and the choir ended the service with the triumphant, Hallelujah! Hallelujah, indeed!

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Fourth Presbyterian Church, Chicago

Intriguing Challenge for Biblioracles

If you like to read, this challenge will intrigue you: write a list of the last five books you’ve read. Then consider what your list might mean to someone else.

John Warner figures that out in his weekly Chicago Tribune  column titled The Biblioracle. From the lists emailed to him, he assesses what the person likes to read—for instance, a list may show that the reader “likes solid characters” or “doesn’t mind going down a weirder path”—and then recommends what to read next.

Warner’s column came to mind last week as I was thinking about this belated Monday post. I was far from home, “house sitting” my young adult, self-sufficient grandchildren. and had thought  I’d have lots of time to read. I didn’t, however, because it was much more fun hanging out with them as they dashed in and out between their active work and school schedules.

My personal assistant for the week!

My personal assistant for the week!

But I did squeeze in reading three books. So, pretend for a moment that you are a Biblioracle and are figuring out what you think I may want to read next.

Timothy Kurek’s The Cross in the Closet, the story of a young white male, a Southern Baptist, who goes undercover for a year as gay to experience that life first hand.

Mary A. Osborne’s (author of Nonna’s Book of Mysteries) Alchemy’s Daughter (forthcoming, second in a series of three), a story of a young woman in fourteenth century Italy torn between convention and desire.

Robert Louis Stevenson’s Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde, the story of a man who changes personalities back and forth between good and evil.

Cover of "Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (Andre ...

Cover via Amazon

 Because the Tribune’s Biblioracle has a list of five to work with, I’ll add two books I bought while on a shopping spree with my granddaughters that included a thrift store. I’ve not read them yet, but the titles seem to tell their story.

Geneen Roth’s Women Food and God: An Unexpected Path to Almost Everything

Lewis SmedesStanding on the Promises: Keeping Hope Alive for a Tomorrow We Cannot Control

 At the end of the week with my grandchildren, I spent the weekend with one of my sisters living nearby. We are known to talk for a week straight, so we had to talk fast.

Of course we talked books. She was my high school American Literature teacher in 1958. I told her my idea for this post and gave her my list of titles. She volunteered her recommendation for my next read: John Grogan’s (author of Marley and Me) new memoir, The Longest Trip Home, the story of a spiritual struggle.

Do this exercise for yourself. Do you see a pattern in what you choose to read, or do you like to skip and hop among the variety of selections?

If you’d like to make a recommendation for me, let me know by clicking on comments at the bottom of this post. Happy reading!

Tidbits for Writers from the 10th Annual Creative Chicago Expo

Creative. I love the sound of this word. As a child in the forties and fifties, I don’t think I ever heard it. In fact, the first emphasis on being creative that I encountered was in the late nineties when I read, then taught, Julia Cameron‘s The Artist’s Way.

Reading Cameron opened my eyes to the notion that creativity lives within each of us. All I had to do was tap into it. And she gave dozens of specific exercises to follow to find it.

As a result, I still don’t draw, paint, sing, or play an instrument. Nor do I design mosaics, work with metal, or cobble my own shoes.

But I could have learned about these creative pursuits, plus more, at the 10th Annual Creative Chicago Expo held at the Chicago Cultural Center last Friday and Saturday. Instead, as an author and blogger, I migrated to workshops on writing, my most favorite form of being creative.

At the workshops, my ever-present purse-sized writer’s notebook filled up with scribbles. Maybe some of my scribbles will be of interest to you.

From the workshop How to Get Published, presented by the Society of Midland Authors:

1. Amazon takes 62% of the retail price of a book; Ingram and Baker & Taylor take 55%.

2. China prints books much cheaper than we do here.

3. The Big Six publishers are used to working with agents.

4. Using Kickstarter to fund your project is becoming a new normal.

5. Traditional book reviews are much harder to get today because of newspaper cutbacks.

6. You are not finished when you finish your book. Next step? Stand by your art. Promote.

7. Templates are available that convert a Word document to a publishable form.

8. Amazon and Lightning Source offer POD (print on demand).

9. Your words are your ideas. (In other words, they are powerful!)

From the workshop WordPress in a Nutshell: Your Website, Security & More, presented by GIZMO Design:

1. Back up your blog routinely.

2. Change your password frequently.

3. Change your login to something besides  “admin” — make it harder to get hacked.

4. There are endless customization possibilities on WordPress blogs.

One man told Tall Tales!

One man was telling TALL TALES!

For more information on these topics, you really had to be there to experience the nuances of each of the presenters. Plan to join this comprehensive expo next year.

Meanwhile, read Julia Cameron’s The Artist’s Way and get inspired to explore your own creativity. You will not be sorry.

What do nurses do? Let me count the ways…

Once upon a time, two women in their late sixties met at church and soon became friends. Letty is now 76 and Martha 74. Martha is a widow and moved to Letty’s small town after her retirement and the death of her husband to be near her children.

Last week, Letty sent me this email, in narrative form. As a retired nurse educator, I immediately recognized a “clinical vignette” that I most certainly would use if I were still teaching nursing. In my module on therapeutic communication, I would ask the students to identify and analyze the RN’s “nursing interventions” that made a significant difference in Martha’s experience of having a CT scan. The vignette could also serve as an insight into the needs and friendships of older persons.

See what you think.

I spent the morning with Martha at the hospital – she needed a CT scan and just wanted me along – again made me aware of what it is to be a widow! I could go back into the area where she was “prepped” for it. We sat in chairs side by side, and the nurse, an RN, offered us warm blankets while she did what she had to do, and then Martha had to drink some barium. When the nurse brought out the four bottles, Martha right away said, “I can’t do that.”

 And I said, “Too bad it isn’t flavored like I did with the Go Lightly with Crystal Light.” 

 Immediately, the nurse said, “I can get that!” And off she went for a package of fruit flavoring and came back and mixed some in the first bottle.  

 Martha took a sip and said, “I can do that.” Over the hour she got three bottles down – and that was it. As the nurse kept chatting with us, Martha kept sipping, and then it was time to go for the scan. Later the tech told her they got great pictures! What a relief. Martha doesn’t like to drink much, so this much fluid really was hard to do.

 The nurse was most patient with Martha’s request, and told her how to just sip away. On a scale of 1-10, she was a 10.  I told her about you saying nurses don’t get near the credit for all they do, and I think she used a phrase similar to what you wrote or Marianna [my friend at nursingstories.org] wrote! The RN is normally an ICU nurse, but said she does this to keep her sane!   

 She was everything you’d want in a nurse under these circumstances – Martha was a bit nervous about it, and her BP was high, and the nurse just calmly said, “It is okay. Just check it on your own sometime.”

 Martha has always had a great BP, but lately it has been high, so her doctor suggested she go to the same place, at the same time of day, to monitor it for a couple of weeks. The nurse told her the same thing. Martha is on some low dose of a BP medication until she sees her doctor again next week. It has been good where she has gone to test it lately. I think she just was more anxious when she saw all she had to drink.

 Another case of being a widow and how it is to do these things alone! She hates to ask for help but knows I am always willing to be there. Her daughters would have to take off from work, and they have done that when she asks, but she feels that isn’t nice for them. She could have gone alone, but was concerned about how she might feel afterwards, and that was before she knew she would have to drink that stuff!  

 She took me out for a late breakfast – a place we went to once in a while when we used to live nearby. So a pleasant ending to it all.

 Heartwarming, right?  How would you feel in Martha’s situation?

Can you see why Letty rated the nurse as a “10”? Offering warm blankets, getting the flavoring, giving instructions how to sip, chatting for distraction, being patient, being calm…

No doubt, as you read this story, your own experiences crowded your mind. Know that you have a right, as a patient, to be treated in all encounters with competence, respect, and compassion.

Thanks to Letty (not her real name), one of my sisters, for permission to print her story about her morning with her friend Martha (not her real name).  “Letty” had no idea that she’d given me such good material to show the holistic care of a nurse!

Unwelcome Itchy Visitors

I wish I had something more soothing to write for you today. But last Monday, after a three-day hissy fit of prickly-burning body-wide itching, a dermatologist looked at the tan line on my back and asked, “Where’s this tan from? And how long ago did you get it?”

“Aruba. Three weeks ago,” I said.

“Then I think you have scabies,” he said. “With the intense itching, that’s my best bet.”

Gads! In my distant past, in nurses’ training, I recalled learning about scabies, only I thought they only occurred in a third-world country. I wanted to disinfect myself immediately.

“The time’s right for the incubation period,” he added. “Hotel linens, maybe.”

As I sat obediently on the exam table, my mind buzzing with my recent history, I thought, “Is this really happening, Lois?

A few days before, while having coffee with a friend, my left hand had turned blue. For no reason, and had stayed that way for a few hours. The next morning I called to see my internist. By that afternoon when I saw him, I had developed a rash over much of my body. And it was starting to itch.

Blue hand and rash and itching. Connection? “We better do some tests,” he said. “With your autoimmune history, there may be something going on.”

When I got home, I sat at my computer and Googled blue hand and rashes and intense itching. What I read about made me want to plan for my final days. As a nurse, I always plan on the worst thing. Liver failure, maybe. But my bathroom mirror said the whites of my eyes were still white. Not jaundiced.

Yet.

Calm down, I told myself that evening while I searched the shelves at Walgreen’s, coming home with $36.00 worth of anti-itch products. To say I was merely being attacked by a colony of ants picking and scratching their way over and through my body does not give them nearly enough credit for the massive destruction these creatures, whatever they claimed to be, were rendering on my sanity as well as my body.

When the blood tests came back normal (thank goodness!), I called a dermatologist, pleading with the receptionist that I get in stat! She gave me an appointment in one hour. I was there twenty minutes early, and now I sat with a most probable diagnosis of scabies.

Never mind the blue hand episode.

Have you ever seen scabies? Gross, is my best word. But to think they were burrowing their ugly prickly bodies under my skin was a thought I tried to suppress. But suppression was not possible when my mind was consumed with relentless itching from their chaotic tunneling activity.

And then.

That evening, with $28.00 more of products, I covered my entire body from hairline to soles of feet (well, I had a little help from my ever-forbearing husband) with this prescription scabicide cream that was supposed to kill my new enemies. Envisioning, that by using this cream, I was murdering the creepy mites threw out any thoughts of pacifism and threw in gratitude for research and development and pharmaceuticals.

The next morning, per directions, I showered. Ideally, the murdered mites had surfaced somehow and would disappear down the drain. Since they are too small to see with the naked eye, I did not have the pleasure of visually wishing them a stinky sewer burial.

But here’s the thing. Scabies don’t leave that easily. With the rash now mostly gone, the itching continues with intense waves of discomfort. And, in this hot-water-wash-everything era of my life, I’ve read that scabies can stick around for several weeks or more, leaving their eggs and, of all things, their excrement under my skin. Don’t their parents have any manners? You’d think they’d teach their kids about the use of restrooms.

I see the dermatologist again this morning. On my visit a week ago, he did a biopsy also, so I’m hoping nothing more serious shows up in that sample. If not, I may just have to adjust to accommodating my unwelcome visitors while I do my utmost to encourage them to make their final exit ASAP. Like, here’s your hat, now please hurry.

I’ll give you an update next week. Meanwhile, I sincerely hope you don’t start to itch. This is no fun. No fun at all!

Want a hug?

Finding My Identity in a Dutch Cemetery – Part 3

Even though I didn’t feel Dutch on a 2001 trip to the Netherlands, finding my maiden name, Hoitenga,  on tombstones in a Witmarsum cemetery brought me to tears and made my Dutch roots feel real for the first time.

Fast forward to a few weeks ago in Aruba. My husband and I briefly met a couple from Amsterdam, now living in the States, at the Dutch Pannekoekhuis restaurant in Oranjestad.

pannekoeken

pannekoeken

The next day, I happened upon this couple sitting under a hut on the beach front of our hotel. I stopped and introduced myself.  And here’s the story of what happened:

He (in Dutch brogue): “Yah, I was wondering yesterday if you had any Dutch connections yourself.”

Me (happily): “Oh yes, my great grandparents immigrated from Witmarsum. In Friesland.”

He (chuckling): “Yah, so you’re not really Dutch after all, you’re Frisian.”

Me (taken aback): “What do you mean?”

She (smiling, as if to soften the blow): “Well, Frisians have their own ways, their own culture, even their own language.”

How could this be? I’d finally come to terms with being Dutch and now was being told I wasn’t. “Maybe that explains the street names,” I said, trying to keep some sense of my identity. I told them my story of how we’d gone to Witmarsum to look up my family home and how the old address I’d had didn’t exist.

The man launched into a lengthy explanation about the Dutch, in their attempt to Dutchify the Frisian towns, had changed the addresses to be Dutch rather than Frisian names. Thus “wegs” became “straats.”

My head was too busy trying to absorb the fact that I was no longer Dutch to follow his words, but I thanked them for the information and bid them good day.  Finding my husband on a beach chair, I announced, “I met those Dutch people from yesterday. We are not Dutch. We’re Frisian.” His roots were in Friesland too. You can imagine his ”now what” look and the conversation that followed.

2013 - aruba 025

An article in the paper* later that week made me doubt my Dutch identity again.  The columnist was describing Dutch cuisine as presented on www.dutchgrub.com. He describes a typical menu of fried catfish with ravigote, sweet and sour cabbage, croquettes of goat cheese, potato, and hazelnut with carrot coleslaw, spinach and beet root.

So, I thought, that settles that. I’ve never had those foods. They simply did not jive with the supposedly Dutch foods of my childhood: pot roast, mashed potatoes, green beans. And apple pie. So, I wondered, were those foods holdovers from my Frisian ancestors? Who knows?

When I got back home, it was comforting to read recent notes I’d taken in an Aristotle’s Politics  class I’m taking in the University of Chicago’s Basic Program: Most of us are children of immigrants. We don’t consider ourselves to be immigrants now. We are Americans. Minority immigrants of today will, in the future, be so shaped that they will not consider themselves immigrants either, just like us.

So that’s the final episode of my identity search. I am American, and I don’t have to worry about my ethnicity, except to be thankful for the work and faith ethic passed down to me and to support other people who, like my ancestors, would like the opportunity to reach for the American dream.

A thought for the day: How do you define your ethnicity? And how does your ethnicity influence your life?

*Segal, D. (2013, January 18). Returning the flair to Dutch cuisine. Aruba Today, The New York Times, p. 32.