Just two weeks ago, my husband was diagnosed with lung cancer. We were traveling from Sioux Falls to Arizona when the call came. He’d made it clear to his doctors before we left that if results of previous tests were unfavorable, he was thankful for the life God has given him and would not be seeking treatment. He’d made it clear we would be making this month-long trip no matter what. He’d also made it clear that he valued the quality of the days he has left over the number of the days left.
We both are at peace with his decision, and I have felt enveloped by God’s grace these last two weeks as we’ve united with family and friends in New Mexico and Arizona. Clearly, it’s no coincidence that we planned this vacation and these visits before we knew about the diagnosis and that God has placed the folks we have visited in our lives just when we needed them.
I have decided I will be including this experience in the normal flow of my blog at loisroelofs.com. I will not be connecting to Facebook or starting a Caring Bridge site. I am sorry I’ve not been able to notify everyone before you read it here, but I’m sure you understand. If you wish, you are welcome to continue following my blog, subscribe to it, or drop in now and then for updates
Right now we are grateful to have our son and daughter-in-law with us. When we get home in early March, we will see an oncologist to plan for hospice referral and pain management. We’ve been informed the cancer is aggressive and are choosing, as one of his doctors advised, to live life as fully as we can as long as he can.
Just know for now Marv feels good and is running his usual circles around us! And we both thank God for our fifty-five years we’ve had together.

Rescued by the Geek Squad!
Sorry to hear the news about your husband. I pray God’s peace to you and him through this ordeal. Jesus has promised to never leave us, nor forsake us and to be with us to the end. blessing, Richard
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Best wishes to you and Marv, Lois. A challenging time, and you are facing it with what appears to be eyes and hearts wide open. Peace and joy to you both!
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Love you uncle and aunt and Dewey Hoitenga Jr would agree 100% with your decision….
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Hello Lois,
I found my way to your blog through Marianna Crane. We worked as NP’s at Hines VA and have always kept in touch. I have followed your journey to Sioux Falls with great interest. I grew up in SW Iowa on a farm and then moved to the Chicago area. I can understand some of the “culture shock” in moving to a more rural community from the city. Anyway….I am so sorry to hear the news of your husband’s cancer diagnosis. I have been working with people with cancer for 11 years and have some knowledge of and feeling for what they and their families experience. I am also an “old” hospice nurse. This journey and these decisions are so personal. May you and your husband and your family be deeply blessed in these coming months. May you be surrounded with love and light. I will continue to follow your blog. Wishing you all peaceful hearts.
Jane Van De Velde
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Oh Lois, I am so sorry to hear this. May you both rest in God’s peace. I know you will will make your last weeks or months memorable, as you cling to God’s promises.
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I send my support and admiration for your decision. I have thought long and hard and have come to the decision that I will do the same unless the cancer is caught very early and the cure is short and not very disruptive to my life. I am so happy for your long rewarding life together – for JB and I it seems like a solid foundation to handle life’s challenges. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
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Our prayers for strength and courage will follow you. I know that you have both and that when you need more, the Lord will see that you get it. Thank you for sharing and for letting us walk this journey with you. Love and prayers, Lynne and Jack Findlay
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Oh, Lois, I’m so sorry about Marv’s diagnosis; I’ll be keeping you both in my thoughts and prayers. Glad to hear that he’s not in pain and that you’ve been able to proceed with your Arizona trip.
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I am deeply impressed after reading this post. I am a nurse and, many years ago, I worked in an oncology unit. You have made a brave and wise decision.
Sincerely,
José Manuel
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Paused. If prayer is a sigh too deep for words, what is a pause with no words, no thought except a blank–but not a blank–a presence and kind thoughts for you and Marv. Prayers, yes. And appreciation for you’re letting us know with a wholeness that those who know you expect.
I’m glad you’re with your son and daughter-in-law where there is a warm sun and plenty of green.
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Oh Lois. I am sorry. I so loved your inspirational blog. My prayers are with you.
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We so enjoyed our visit with you last week and continue to have you in our prayers. I had a great visit with Rose yesterday when I called for her birthday. We send our love to you! Adele
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Lois, I wish I could give you and Marv hugs. Your next journey will not be easy. I see that your decision is the right one for you and there is peace in knowing that. God bless.
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What wonderful people you are. May you continue to live, love and celebrate your time together. I know my dad made my mum laugh on the day she passed from cancer and in that it was beautiful to see the love between two people. Dad passed 14 months later and even during his long illness he saw joy in every day he got so it’s lovely to see you both embrace this next challenge together. I hope one day I am blessed with such a life companion although I don’t think I have 55 years left. 20 of such love would be asking a lot but I’ll take whatever god has in mind. May god give you memories of happiness and help ease the pain for you both when it comes. X
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Always praying for my 2nd dad and that the days he has left will be filled with much laughter and less pain. I respect his decision greatly, as I don’t think that I would have met that news with the grace that he (and you) have. I will continue to pray for you all and hope that you can find joy in he moments you spend together. Love you both so much!
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Oh Lois i am so sorry to read this, but so glad that together you will share and make the most of the remaining days of Marv’s life. With love from our family to yours.
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We understand and pray. Our love to both of you. Harm & Shirley
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Oh Lois, You always write so beautifully . I am so sorry to hear of this but admire both of your decisions to live life as m much as possible. I will be praying for joy, peace, more family time and for Marv to be pain free.
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Praying for you daily. Cordell and Sharon
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Many prayers accompany you.
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Lois, So sad to hear of Marv’s diagnosis. Brings back memories of Sandy’s cancer. I admire your decisions and your courage. While each decision is unique, I truly believe Sandy’s quality of life would have been much better if we had not gone the treatment route. Will continue to keep you and Marv and your family in my prayers for God’s peace that passes understanding. May you experience many blessings in the days ahead as you travel this difficult journey.
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Thinking of you guys- love you both so much. Marv, I have also thought if in that position I would do the same. Heaven will be awesome man… I write that with tears though because we will miss you here. prayers for your family. Love, Chris
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Lois, I just read this. Sending love to you and Marv. I will keep you both in my prayers. If it were me, I’d like to think I’d make the same decision. You are so very lucky to have each other. Love and blessings, Marcia
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My heart is heavy with your news, and yet I am uplifted by your indomitable spirit. I feel sure that your faith and the support of family and friends will guide you through the coming weeks and months. Please stay in touch and know that you are both in my prayers.
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May you both fine peace in the decision not to seek aggressive treatment. You show both strength and courage to follow your own path. God certainly is providing the interactions and support you will need in the days ahead. I am sending positive loving thoughts your way.
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