In preparation for writing my next book, I completed a tedious and heart-tugging task today. My book will be about the “adventure” Marv and I undertook last year with his seven-month process of living with a terminal cancer diagnosis and my life afterward.
The starting point for the book with be the blog posts I wrote during that time. So my job today was to copy and paste all posts from my blog to a Word document, so they are ready for the next step of extensive revision, involving adding, deleting, and rewriting.
I could not simply copy the posts from their original Word documents, because I do a final edit once they are posted. So in copying and pasting, all the photos I’ve put on the blog came along. And there, along with the words, came the flood of memories. Both of us visiting friends. Marv at his parents’ graves. Marv at his last Fourth of July parade in his hometown of Prinsburg, Minnesota, Marv leaving our home for the last time in a hearse.
Sobering. Sobering. Sobering.
Plus, I’m in Arizona for the first time since he died last July. We came here during the winter the last three years to stay a bit and visit friends and relatives. Although I have family with me now, he is not here. He will never be here again. His absence is a void that will be present forevermore.
Marv told me he hoped I’d write a book about our experience, especially since I couldn’t find a book about anyone who’d opted out of treatment for small cell lung cancer that would’ve helped me, and I promised I would. It will take a while, I know, but I hope it is less than the eight years it took to complete Caring Lessons. So, I got my start this morning in the backyard of my rental home in Arizona. As I took in the eighty-degree sunshine, the memories surrounded me with more warmth. And elicited a few silent tears.
Write Along with Me 
Hello Lois. I wrote a book after Bob died so many years ago. It was about how I came to survive the grief and loss. I gave copies of the book to friends who subsequently lost their husbands/wives and to clients of my Life Coaching business. I found it a totally cathartic experience. I have since rewritten it to cover more than grieving as a Suddenly Single person. Good luck in your endeavour.
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Good to know! “Cathartic.” I see writing the book will be that for me too. Anything to help this becoming-single process along. Is your book available?
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You’re a wonderful writer and an inspirational woman. Good luck with the book.
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Thanks! I know what I’m in for this time, so I know there will be many hours and days and months of work. But that’s writing! And I love the process.
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I’m glad to learn that you’ve actively begun your second book. Those shared memories will be a
compelling part of discussing the journey from diagnosis to heaven. This book will be a fine tribute to Marv, a gentleman who truly exemplified a life well-lived.
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Lynn, thanks for the encouragement! Lois
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Your book will be a great source of support and comfort for others who have faced dealing with Marv’s type of cancer. And a tribute to Marv’s faith and courage in taking the course he did. Few books cover the person who refuses treatment. Best of luck in completing the book.
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A huge thanks! We can keep each other encouraged with our second books too.
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I knew there would a book coming. Such good grief work. Wishing you much sucess.
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Thank you, Loie! And yes it will be good for grief work too. Cathartic!
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I look forward to reading more about your experience. My husband opted for treatment of the same disease, but I’m not sure if it improved the quality of his life, although it did lengthen it. In retrospect, I’m not sure what the best choice is.
It takes a lot of courage to decide not to prolong your life. I wonder if that is easier for someone who believes in a heaven? My husband did not.
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Could be. I know that Marv believed in a heaven and was resolute from the beginnning to refuse treatment. We’ll have to talk more about this in person! Interesting thought.
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Oh Lois, you are such an inspiration! Many people avoid this topic, but you will help many folks who must go through this “adventure”! Thank you for your courage and perserverence!
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Thank you, Lois. It’s so important to talk about end-of-life eventualities, and I’m happy we had time to do this. Many don’t and I can’t imagine the confusion and unrest that would accompany not being at all prepared.
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I wish you strength and persistence to complete the journey toward the next book. Looks like you are having nice weather in AZ, enjoy it for that is not what we have in SD or MI.
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Persistence. Key! I’ll need all the good wishes I can get along the way! Weather today here in AZ is 80 and sunny. Made-to-order prescription to combat Midwest winter.
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Lois – I started writing a book about my husband’s passing and understand the tears. I started to do a timeline of all the things that took place and would get so caught up in all the memories. It has been two years since I did all that and feel like I could finally do it now. I’ve reached a point where the memories make me sad but also happy and grateful.
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I held on answering your email until I got more into my writing our story. I really understand your getting caught up in the memories. I gave myself a deadline of two weeks to write all the worst stuff. I should wind up this weekend, and I’ve been bursting into tears, unbidden, as my fingers fly across the keys. It’s draining, but also nicely cathartic. So I’m happy right now that I’m this far. I see at least a year’s worth of work or more on all the details and revisions. I wish you the best in getting your story down. This is not a fun journey, but writing it is a helpful process while moving along.
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I can only imagine how grueling that must have been. It’s good to get it behind you. And, yes, while sad, it’s also healing.
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Thanks, Fleda!
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Applaud your strength !!
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