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Marv Taking Charge: A Story of Bold Love and Courage is now available from Amazon, Barnes & Noble, or me. If you would like to buy directly from me, you may send a check for $15 to:

Lois Roelofs, 5013 S Louise Ave, Box 232, Sioux Falls, South Dakota, 57108-2268

All my proceeds, except for S/H, will be donated to Marv’s hospice, Avera@Home – Hospice Sioux Falls.

About the book: Lois Roelofs always knew that Marv, her husband of fifty-five years, had strong convictions. So when he was diagnosed with “very aggressive” small cell lung cancer, with a few weeks to a few months to live, she accepted that he wanted to die on his own terms―refuse chemo, choose quality of life over quantity, and die at home. She tells their story in a mix of personal notes, family and friend emails, and public blog posts written during Marv’s illness and her first months as a widow. At the time, she could find no personal accounts of refusing treatment and living with the resultant uncertainty.

Questions? You may write me at caringlessons@gmail.com!

First review on Amazon (Feel free to add yours!):

5.0 out of 5 stars A testament to Love, Trust and Faith

Reviewed in the United States 🇺🇸 on April 11, 2023

Verified Purchase

Have you ever considered how you’d react to the news of a terminal diagnosis? “Marv Taking Charge” is a compelling testament to the love, trust and faith between a husband and wife. Once started, I literally could not put this book down. Highly recommended!

Selected Endorsements:

            Lois Roelofs has the heart of a healer, the soul of an artist, the voice of a balladeer. Her memoir is utterly rapturous–a long, sad, rejoicing, engrossing love story and a gift to all of us.

—Sandra Scofield, The Last Draft; Swim: Stories of the Sixties

            As a counselor, I think Lois Roelofs is one of the best writers who delves deep into her personal experience to offer support and encouragement to readers going through difficult transitions and grieving.

—Ann T. Brody, MSW

            The story Lois Roelofs tells in this memoir of her husband’s death is universal; after all, everyone’s life ends. Still, no two stories are alike, and Roelofs’ particulars are very much her own and their own. That she is a nurse means she follows his suffering thoughtfully, in ways few others can. Then again, their 55 years of marriage means her heart, her love, is also ever engaged. But the strengths of their souls, their mutual faith, provides the power that sees them both through. Her vigil will wear you out, but its exactness of her conviction will strengthen you for all of our journeys.

—James Calvin Schaap, Emeritus Professor of English, Dordt University

 More about the book: Lois wrote this book to honor her husband Marv’s request to tell the story of their experience when he chose to refuse treatment for a diagnosis of small cell lung cancer. Family, friends, and readers of Lois’s blog in real time confirmed interest in the topic of refusing treatment. She wanted to show her readers that achieving patient autonomy, doing what’s right for them, is possible and, implicitly, to caution readers never to blindly follow medical advice.

Marv Taking Charge will be helpful to those facing a critical decision whether or not to treat a terminal illness. It will help answer questions such as 1) what can happen after the diagnostic visits, 2) when to sign up for hospice, 3) what can be expected from hospice, 4) how to spend the time during the uncertain period when all persons involved are waiting for the worsening of the patient’s illness, and 5) what can happen during the progression of the illness.

The main theme is patient autonomy, having the right to make decisions regarding care.

Marv at oncologist appointment to get hospice referral

Thank you for stopping by!