For weeks I’ve been thinking about how I want to spend the rest of my life. I retired 15 years ago and have done everything I wanted to do from attending concerts and plays, volunteering at church, writing a book, and taking a few dozen writing and humanities courses.
My thinking about the future started last fall while I was working on my latest endeavor, writing a novel. I was in the second year of an ongoing novel workshop with an excellent teacher and felt privileged as a nonfiction writer to have been included in this group. Novels are about 300 pages long, and I was working on pages 60 to 90 when it slowly dawned on me that I didn’t want to spend a few of the precious years I have left to write and then revise a novel.
When I discussed my concerns with the teacher, he graciously talked with me about how I could wind up my story in the 30 pages I’d submit this spring, making it a novella instead. He wanted me to feel like my time was not wasted in the workshop and to have a finished product when and if I decide to drop.
No learning experience is ever wasted! I’ve learned lots and am now completing the final pages, 90 to 120. (This is still a first draft, however, and will take a serious revision to polish up!)
After my discussion with the teacher, I felt relieved and started on a quest of asking every retired person I ran into how they were finding meaning in their lives, none of which interested me, so I was back to square one. What would work for me?
I read a how-to book by Daniel HendersonĀ¹ on how to live a “deeper life,”a detailed step-by-step approach to determine who I am as an image-bearer of Christ and how to live out that mission.
Since I still do not know what I want to be when I grow up, I was comforted by Henderson’s words that to embark on this journey: “We need to trust God” (p. 21). The exact words, trust God, one of my older sisters told me when I was contemplating retirement and wondering how I would fill my time (Caring Lessons, p. 215).
And I’ve not had an hour of boredom in the 15 years of my retirement.
Then my ears pricked up on p. 131 when Henderson says “Time is a ‘stewardship’ because our lives are not our own…In reality, it is God’s time. Since it is His, we’d better be careful what we do with it.”
Oh, my. This reminded me of an 84-year-old respondent in my doctoral research; when I asked him how he defined leisure, he said, with his Dutch brogue and a twinkle in his eye: “I am the author of that time, you might as well say…I am not under somebody…you are your own boss…We are Christians. And we know that if it comes down to it, there is no time really for yourself. It’s God’s time”.
He went on to say that “whatever you do, do everything to the honor and glory of God. ” And finished up with “And I think that includes a little joke once in a while too.”Ā² He was a marvelous witness for me. A good reminder that our time is not our time. It’s God’s time. Think about that. What a gift! What a responsibility.
More on my quest: I attended an adult education class at my church where the presentation was on something like living the abundant life. When I saw it in the bulletin, I had to go. My college-age grandson was visiting that weekend, and I asked him if he’d like to go. Sure, so we went together. Key points in that session showed us how to determine our strengths as defined by the Gallup organization: Strengths are things we can do consistently at a near-perfect level, and The acid test: We can see ourselves engaging this strength repeatedly and enjoyably.(gallupstrengthscenter.com)
Wow. This was dynamite for me. No wonder I’ve failed at some of the things I’ve thought I should do. I took from this that if stuff is going to work for me I have to do it well (or be interested in learning to do it well) and then enjoy it when I do it.
(A bonus of this session was that my grandson told me he had taken the same strengths inventory at his college!)
Just this past weekend, my son put me on to another book, saying, “Mom, this may help you in your quest.” He’s a financial adviser who looks not only at theĀ financial capital of his clients but also their human capital, items such as what contributes to their well-being, fulfillment, and legacy (p. 65)Ā³. One exercise in determining priorities caught my eye: “What energizes you each day?” (p. 73.)
That fits right in with my “strengths” inventory.
This is only a smattering of my search (my husband says not everybody obsesses about such things as I do!), and I still don’t have definitive answers, but I am learning once again to trust God.
So, on this event of turning 74 (my birthday was yesterday), I’m thinking, having always been an antsy type, about one of my favorite verses in the Bible: “You’re blessed when you’re content with just who you are–no more, no less. That’s the moment you find yourselves proud owners of everything that can’t be bought” (Matthew 5, The Message).
Powerful!
And, readers, those of you who are also aging, know that we have to cope with increasing limitations, and I hope that, along with me, we remind ourselves to be content and not compare our accomplishments, or lack of, with our friends and neighbors, and to be content to listen to our bodies and just plain take care of ourselves!
And that means I hope I don’t fracture any more ribs anytime soon! After five weeks, they are still very much in healing mode.
***
Ā¹ Daniel Henderson. 2014. The Deeper Life: Satisfying the 8 Vital Longings for Your Soul. Mpls: Bethany House.
Ā²Lois Roelofs. 1991. The Meaning of Leisure for Older Persons,Ā University of Illinois at Chicago, Health Sciences Center, Dissertation Abstracts International, 134 pages;Ā 9213145.
Ā³Krysty Kaycee (with Robert Moser). 2012. Wealth Regeneration at Retirement. Hoboken: Wiley & Sons.
*
And my nursing career memoir, Caring Lessons: A Nursing Professor’s Journey of Faith and Self was published in 2010 by Deep River Books.
Write Along with Me 
Congratulations on your 74th birthday! You are YOUNG and enjoy it because 80 is just around the corner! Time goes so very fast and we have been blessed to have been given these last 18 years for a second chance at life . God has blessed us and our family with much love and care. Enjoy the time you and Marv have together. Love you guys — Shirley (& Harm, too!)
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Thanks, Shirl. You folks are great role models for us in how to age gracefully and with vitality.
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As an almost-69 year old single woman who is just entering my third year of retirement, I was comforted to read your thoughts – so similar to mine! Born and raised in Chicago, I have lived in a small old Victorian home in Colorado for 30 years. I, too, have not known any boredom since retiring. In fact, I sometimes wonder how I found the time to be employed! But I had been concerned about whether or not I was “contributing enough” now that I am retired. I am slowly learning that definitions change as we enter different life periods. Perhaps being a mentor on how to successfully navigate retirement to younger family members (as I have been told) is my form of “contributing”. Even something as nebulous as supporting the arts by my memberships and enjoyment of same is a form of “contributing” as that surely must encourage the artists, dancers, singers, performers, etc. I love having the time to pursue subjects that have always interested me. A perpetual student, between online classes, tv documentaries and books on subjects of interest to me there is certainly no time to be bored! I’m convinced that two of the greatest gifts of old age are curiosity and wonder. If we can keep both these things in our lives, we will have vital and meaningful lives. I seem to have veered off course here, mostly I wanted to let you know how much I enjoy your thoughts and look forward to your blogs. And happy birthday!
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Welcome Donna! It certainly does feel like we’re on the same page. Especially on that contributing point. I was raised in a sin-salvation-service religious environment where the service meant I would happily “give back” out of gratitude for being saved from my sins. I’m deeply grateful for my background, but taken literally, it can lead to feelings of guilt when I try to define that service. Does it mean I must be volunteering with those less fortunate than I, etc? I’ve wrestled and wrestled with that. I have fibromyalgia that quiets and flares, so how I feel on any given day is not consistent, so my head often gets excited to do things, and then my body says no. So finding ways to “give back” has been a challenge. I appreciate your exploration of this same thing–your mentoring, supporting the arts, and continuing to learn. When I posed my question re guilt if not actively volunteering in an underserved community several years ago to a pastor friend, he told me to go back to Eccl 12 and recall that there’s a time to reap and a time to sew. He gently reminded me that my time for sewing is winding down, that it’s OK now to reap, to, in essence, relax and enjoy the blessings I’ve received and the blessings in my world now. Too bad you still don’t live in Chicago! I’d enjoy talking more about these things over lunch. We could explore our “curiosities” together! Thanks for writing. Lois
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Happy #74! May you not accept the status quo. May you not do what others expect of you. May you find meaning in your remaining years. May you continue to not to go gentle into that good night.
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A heap of thanks! And may you go along with me on this unknown journey!
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Lois, it is so comforting to know that I’m not the only one to ruminate over the meaning of me life now that I have limited sustained energy. I have prayed so often about it and each time I hear God telling me that the purpose of my life is to relax and enjoy it. Not the right response! š I am really interested in what you wrote about finding what we are really good at and claiming it. I recently found some peace because I decided that I am really good at piecing quilts and am making small quilts (lap size and miniatures) to donate for silent auctions for missions I care about or to give away. This is making me very happy. I also know that I am good at writing and enjoy blogging but have not been active lately. I had a very stressful final quarter of 2014 and am assuming I need some time to turn inside and heal. Happy Birthday – and lets keep writing to support each other as we traverse this uncharted territory.
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Morning Pat! I love your word “ruminate”–that actually sounds more positive than my “obsess.” Re hearing God telling you to relax and enjoy, check my response to Donna on this post re Eccl 12. What you’re hearing may be for real: there’s a time to sew and a time to reap. And, from a writing standpoint, your saying you found some peace from piecing quilts is not only a blessing, but a priceless metaphor. And yes, your writing. I relate to that. At a faith and writing conference once, a presenter once said, If you only reach one person, that is good. In other words, if you brighten or help one person’s day, that’s enough. So I think it helps to try to define what makes us feel worthwhile, what gives us meaning yet in life, and it may not be in the big external projects we did at one time, but through smaller quiet projects we can do at home. Remember that Sunday School song, Brighten the Corner Where You Are! And, for now, that includes allowing your body to heal from your stressful final quarter. I’ve had to do that, too, these last five weeks due to my fall and rib fractures. Takes patience I don’t always have! I’m glad you chimed in! Lois
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I think this is my favorite post ever, not just of yours but ever. I too am on the same quest and on more than one occasion I find myself looking to you as an example of how to do things. I wish I had read this in my twenties. I also believe this is not my time and I so wish I had done a better job of taking care of time over the years. I keep asking what I can do to be a better person because I believe being better can start any age.
I too thought I had a novel to write but is also have just realized I do not want to spend my remaining years devoting time to that. Today I am spending the day asking myself, what is your passion?, as I go about things.
Donna Hoff was right on when she said we have the greatest gifts of age, curiosity and wonder. Gifts quickly lost if we are not vigilant then we are truly old. I laughed at Pat’s comment about ruminating over the meaning of life as I thought of the sixties when everyone said they were doing the exact same thing! The answer did not come easily then either. Thank you for more than you know Lois.
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Well, Chris, where do I start? I so appreciate and value your comments. They require a face-to-face coffee date! It’s affirming to know my experiences and feelings are shared. Spending time now in CA with my fellow-ruminating sister, we are exploring the “joy” and “happiness” notions we find in Eccl 12. This is my sister who told me to “trust God.” I feel now with aging and health concerns that I’m ready to “let go and let God.” I think of that text from Paul about being content, something about wherever I find myself, I have learned to be content. After our heavy-duty background, my sister and I are now giving ourselves permission to live in the moment with joy and and gratitude. The process continues, however! Stay tuned. Carry on, my friend. Lois
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‘morning Lois,
I had to revisit this great post since I am quickly coming up on my 74th birthday, too. It’s such a powerful reminder that we are in charge of how we live our lives. May we be content with what we have and not envy anyone else. As another writer said “curiosity and wonder” is all important as well as “live in the moment.”
Where was all knowledge and insight when I was younger?
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Waiting to blossom in our old(er) age!
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