Growing Older – On Turning 82

On By Lois RoelofsIn aging, books, Cancer, friends, God, Health, Health, humor, Marv Taking Charge, memoir, Memoir, Sioux Falls, travel, writing

Thinking about turning 82 is both positive and negative. The positive part, of course, is that I’m still alive. I’ve outlived several classmates who’d be the same age. I’m still able to walk and talk and see and hear and smell and taste and feel. I do not take these capabilities for granted.

But I hate to admit, even though I know better, and the gratitude journal in my head is full, I still perseverate on any negative aging issue that comes my way. I’m very good at perseverating.

Take my recent flight from SD to AZ. Visualize my plane with two seats on either side of the aisle. I’m sitting in seat 2 on the right aisle. Next to me, window side, sits a gal that looks maybe 50. Across from me on the left aisle, seat 3, is a young guy, asleep, hoodie covering his face. Next to him, seat 4 by the window, sits an UNACCOMPANIED MINOR (UM) with a huge bib hanging on his chest to announce his status. He looks about 8 or 10.

Now watch the flight attendant (FA) come to stand in the aisle and introduce herself to the UM, then watch her scan the hoodie guy, then stop to linger-r-r-r on my face, and then to glance at the maybe-50 gal next to me. She quickly fixes her eyes on that gal and asks her, in case of emergency, if she’s willing to take care of the UM across the aisle.

Now, digest that. I am CLOSER to the UM. Why ask the gal next to me who is farther away who will need to stumble over me to get to the aisle.

Why not ask me?

Can you imagine what immediately came to my mind that is used to perseverating?

  1. I must look old.
  2. I’m not frosting my hair anymore.  What used to be dishwater brown with platinum highlights is now dishwater gray. With this drab gray hair, I obviously look too old to be responsible for an UM.
  3. I have a lot of wrinkles. The FA must have been assessing them too. She probably doesn’t see them as the laugh lines I’ve earned from my long, jolly-filled life. Maybe from now on, when I go out, I should wear a hoodie pulled down over my face like the hoodie guy across the aisle. Wait a minute—is he hiding something behind that hoodie?  Should I be worried about my safety?

You see where this gift of perseveration goes. Before I pushed the button to call for help to protect me from hoodie guy, I pulled a think-stopper in my brain and told myself I looked perfectly lovely—and capable, and it was too bad and unfortunate that the FA didn’t recognize it.

OR did she? Maybe she was saving me from having to mess up my lovely hair.

Nevertheless, because I couldn’t read her mind, I turned to maybe 50 next to me and said, “I think she thinks I may not be capable. After all, I AM closer.”

I could have sounded a bit petulant–or angry because she laughed and said, “Don’t worry. If something happens, I’ll make sure the three of us get out together.”

Settling back into my seat, I mused: This is only the second day of the new year in which I’ll soon be 82. Is this a portent of my future?

I stopped perseverating right then, two weeks ago. But in thinking about what to write for this post on turning 82, the perseveration that had apparently lodged in my memory, hopped right on to the keyboard of my Apple Air.

Now I need your help: I would like to know that I’m still mostly normal, so please tell me in the comments if you’ve also had something like this happen and how you responded.

It’s time for some serious stuff. I’m happily flying from AZ to Chicago this week, no, not for the snow, but to participate in the award celebration of the Chicago Writers Association. As most of you know, my book about our experience of my husband’s terminal cancer, Marv Taking Charge, was the Winner of the Indie Nonfiction category. I will also see friends from my former Midwest life, and I’ll stop off a few days at my home in SD to make sure I can find it in the snowdrifts. Eventually, I’ll make it back to AZ.

I’m thinking, not yet perseverating, for the next few weeks, turning 82 should be a positive time, nothing negative about it. To make sure, though, I may wear a ski mask.

21 thoughts on “Growing Older – On Turning 82”

  3. Lois, it’s not just you! As we age, many women begin to feel invisible to strangers in public. It’s that vague feeling of dismissal, of being unfairly judged as less competent or useful by people who don’t even know us. (I’m sure there must be a Maxine cartoon on this subject!)

    PS: Most US airlines charge a one-way Unaccompanied Minor Fee that varies from $50 to $150. They’re being compensated for this added responsibility. No airline employee should ever impose on another passenger and ask them to “keep an eye” on an unaccompanied child. Next time, note the attendant’s name and report the incident to the airline involved.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  4. Jutta Braun's avatar Jutta Braun

    Dear Lois,

    I’m “only” 68. However, I volunteer in a thrift shop run by an 80+ year-old spritely, short lady who moves twice as fast as I do, climbs ladders without hesitation, lifts awkward 50 lb bags all day long, and has endless energy that never runs out, and always finds something fun to say. She’s my role model. It sounds like you’re similar to her in many respects. Keep being yourself! And congratulations on your award! May I be like you when I “grow up.”

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply
  5. Kay Hoitenfa's avatar Kay Hoitenfa

    I still remember the first time I was conscious of my age appearance. I was waiting in line at an airport, . My son, his wife and a couple children were with me. I was probably in my late 70s and very physically able. Suddenly some one came up to me with a wheelchair, beckoning me to take advantage. I was quite puzzled and pointed to my son and family. He still persisted. I took advantage of it and with my son and family following we were whisked through the airport and security and delivered to our gate. Of course this person was eager for the tip which we gladly gave him. We laughed about it. But then and there I decided to not worry about looking older and be happy at times to take the advantages that went with it,

    Liked by 2 people

    Reply

    1. Kay, great attitude! I’m priding myself that I didn’t use w/c assistance this time b/c I’ve had too the past two years with surgery and later a fall. But I know pride is not a good thing! But I have this stubborn problem. Help!

      Like

      Reply
  7. Wendy Posselt's avatar Wendy Posselt

    I’m in my 77th year. What I’ve experienced is being disregarded as harmless when shopping. While visiting the University bookstore, my husband and I could have walked out with all kinds of items as we clearly were of no concern. Privilege has its place here also, as we are both white. Old and white. I’m asked to take pictures (“here, take my camera!”), seldom asked any questions about who I am or what my life is like when in a crowd of younger people. I guess they think my story is over. (I could have been a spy! A neurosurgeon! A space scientist!…ah their loss.) Airlines no longer require me to remove shoes, sweater… I am also apparently immune to previous dire medical possibilities as those tests are no longer recommended for my age group. Okay, I will slip through crowds with my cloak of invisibility wrapped around me. I’ll be watching. Taking note. You don’t see me, but I see YOU.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  9. am2778nc's avatar am2778nc

    Happy Birthday to You. Happy Birthday to You. Happy Birthday, Dear Lois. Happy Birthday to You.

    Celebrate heartily–celebrate all year long.

    Be kind to yourself; you are the one who counts.

    Best, Ann McLamb in Chapel Hill

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
  10. drgeraldstein's avatar drgeraldstein

    Congrats on your award, Lois! You haven’t lost your stuff.My grandkids remind me of being old. I try to accept that. They are, after all, right. Doesn’t Ecclesiastes tell us everything is vanity? Whatever the youngsters think, I am glad you are still in this world!

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. Thanks! I’m glad you’re still out there too. Yes, all is vanity—we are just passing through, but I believe still of value. We still count at our older ages. And can continue to contribute, especially through our writing. Carry on!

      Liked by 1 person

      Reply

Leave a reply to youngv2015 Cancel reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.