Sitting at this delightful coffeehouse in South Haven, Michigan, is a memory I want to commit to the page. The door is open with fans circulating the warmish air. Another place where I stopped was so cold from the A/C that I simply couldn’t stay.

I’ve hung out here in other years when I’ve come to South Haven with my daughter’s family. It’s always a happy place to sit, either at high-top tables or in comfy chairs or on a sofa. In the back room, there are more places to sit. A smaller room houses a table where one could sit undisturbed to write a book.

I don’t plan to write another book! Two is enough and more that I ever dreamed about in my forty years as a nurse. But my goal during this week away is to do some catch up on this blog. Today I want to share with you the review of Marv Taking Charge that led to my book winning the 2023 Book of the Year Award for Indie Nonfiction from the Chicago Writers Association.

I am indebted to my reviewer, Dr. David Fletcher, Indie Nonfiction Judge, Chicago Writers Association, Book of the Year 2023, and co-author Chili Dog MVP, 2022 Book of the Year Honorable Mention for Indie Non-fiction, for his careful read of Marv Taking Charge and for writing the following review:

“Marv Taking Charge: A Story of Bold Love and Courage (Deep River Books, 2023) is a touching, well-written self-help book for families that face the news about a loved one diagnosed with a terminal illness.

 Former Chicago nurse-educator-turned-author Lois Hoitenga Roelofs tells the story of how her husband of 54 years chose to live the rest of his life on his own terms after receiving news on January 30, 2018, from his doctor while vacationing in Arizona that he had small cell lung cancer. Marv Roelofs floored his doctor when he flatly told him he was not interested in receiving treatment after being told that this was an aggressive cancer, and he needed to start chemotherapy right away.

Lois quotes her husband: “I’ve lived a good life. I’ve been blessed. If this is God’s time for me, I’m OK with it” as the basis for Marv’s decision to choose the quality of life over quantity and in knowing chemotherapy would not cure his disease but extend his life at a high price with side effects of treatment.

Why is this book worthy to be the Chicago Writers Association Book of the Year Independent Nonfiction Book of the Year award winner?

Because she reminds us of what is important about life and the need to ask terminally ill patients what is important to them. Marv’s story also highlights the value of getting terminally ill patients enrolled in hospice right away to facilitate the transition into the final stage of life.

Over a period of six months, Roelofs journals Marv’s story, seamlessly weaving in her own thoughts and observations with those of her children and other families, right to the inevitable ending. They continued to live their lives enjoying their everyday activities, knowing that Marv’s time on this earth was limited. Joyously, they made the best of the days they had left together. Poignantly, she reminds us that all of us are day-to-day, and tomorrow is not guaranteed for anyone.

For me the most powerful chapter is the Epilogue where she talks about her transition into widowhood:

“And the time after I go to bed? There are no words, other than “grievous” to describe not being able to spoon behind Marv. The loss of warmth, the loss of closeness, the loss of love making. Instead, I continue to tap Marv’s pillow and pray. But still I’m living the life he wished for me. As he said to me in his final days, “I’m the one who’s dying. Not you. Remember that as you go forward.” (p. 211)

Many readers may want to follow author Roelofs’ lead and write a similar story for their selves if they are faced with the same circumstances. It would help further in the healing of the grief they face after the loved one dies. Her memoir template would be helpful to retrace one’s emotions and feelings after witnessing a loved one going through the last stage of life.

As a physician, I highly recommend this book to patients and their families who are given the news that a loved one has a terminal illness and their time is short.“

As a long-retired nurse, I’m very grateful that CWA chose Dr. Fletcher to be the final reviewer of Marv Taking Charge. As a physician, he could have elected to say the doctor knows best and the patient’s priorities are secondary and could have missed the importance to the patient of going on hospice right away. I was very pleasantly surprised that he “got” it! In my experience, not all physicians would. Again, if you’ve read my book, I see his review as another moment of grace.

Thanks for reading on this lovely summery afternoon!