I’m a grief group dropout, attending three but dropping out of two. There is no one right way to grieve. And no one can tell you if you should attend a grief group or not, or if you choose to, what kind of group to attend. Knowing this, and having a curiosity about grief groups, …
Category: writing
Grace Notes #5 – Outrageous
At book club last week, we finished Joan Chittister’s The Gift of Years: Growing Older Gracefully. Many things in the book resonated with me, but I needed her chapter on “Future” right now as I emerge from the two-month mark of being a widow (there, I said the word I don’t like, but it seems …
Grace Notes #3: Numb
During the prelude yesterday morning in church, when, as is custom there, most people were chatting across pews or visiting in the aisles, I suddenly wanted to dart up to the front, cocoon myself in a cozy blanket, lie under the baby grand, and absorb the vibrations while singing along in my heart: Why should …
Grace Notes #2: “You’ll do fine.”
Every time in the last few months that I voiced apprehension about going on alone, Marv would simply say, "You'll do fine." It's a month today that he passed away around four in the morning on July 25. I cannot describe the last month in any coherent way. But the recurring theme in my head …
Grace Notes #1: Afterward – Trusting God
A Chicago friend sent a photo of this cover from Fourth Presbyterian’s bulletin: I’m in Nouwen’s “trusting” stage. Our Celebration of Life Service for Marv is Saturday at 11am at Westminster Presbyterian. It’s been just twelve days since he passed away. Many family members and friends are coming to town, plus new friends and church …
Marv Roelofs and Apple Sauce
It’s just been a week since Marv took his last breath. I’m grateful for this tribute by my friend Marianna. So many fun memories!
God’s Grace #19: Happiness is…
going back home for the Fourth of July. Marv wanted to go to his hometown of Prinsburg, Minnesota, for their annual holiday celebration. Our son and daughter-in-law made that happen. They flew in over the previous weekend and our son drove us the three hours there, then another three hours the next day further north …
God’s Grace #17: On the Go
We took off for Chicago and Michigan on June 4. We were gone eight days, drove 1700 miles, and made 15 stops. I’m getting pretty good at scheduling these marathon trips. Marv drove all but one hour, and we saw many friends and family. I’d warned them ahead of time that this was not Farewell …
God’s Grace #14: Dying Naturally
I feel alone as the spouse of someone living with Stage IV small cell lung cancer who has chosen not to seek treatment. I’ve found no one in the exact same boat of uncertainty, so I have no one with whom to share my anxiety of when our “untreated” situation will change and what that …
Nurses Give Hope Through Stories
Thank you, Marianna, for pointing out the HOPE that nurses give. We are finding that very true with our hospice nurse from Avera@Home. She listens to our apprehensions, helps minimize concerns, and encourages us to take our trips and live life as normally as we can. We are thankful!
“Nurses give hope through their stories.” I heard this from Lee Woodruff who spoke about her role as caregiver for her husband. A roadside bomb in Iraq had wounded Bob Woodruff, a news reporter. His wife spoke on the last day of the Beryl Conference that I attended in Chicago two weeks ago.
Ms. Woodruff was told soon after her husband’s injury that he would not walk, talk, or be the same person. By her account this prognosis was delivered by the neurosurgeon in medicalese.
“Hope,” Ms. Woodruff said “is what patients and family need.” Hope. Not false promises. “Why don’t the doctors give hope like the nurses do through stories?”
When she referenced both “nurses” and “stories” in the same breath, I listened carefully not sure what she was going to say next.
She gave this explanation: nurses told scenarios about other patients they had cared for with a…
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