During the prelude yesterday morning in church, when, as is custom there, most people were chatting across pews or visiting in the aisles, I suddenly wanted to dart up to the front, cocoon myself in a cozy blanket, lie under the baby grand, and absorb the vibrations while singing along in my heart: Why should …
Category: memoir
Grace Notes #1: Afterward – Trusting God
A Chicago friend sent a photo of this cover from Fourth Presbyterian’s bulletin: I’m in Nouwen’s “trusting” stage. Our Celebration of Life Service for Marv is Saturday at 11am at Westminster Presbyterian. It’s been just twelve days since he passed away. Many family members and friends are coming to town, plus new friends and church …
God’s Grace #21: Transition
My husband, Marv, took his last breath around four yesterday morning, Wednesday, July 25, 2018. Even though heavily medicated he seemed to know that he had to get up at his usual time and go somewhere. Spooned behind him on our king-sized bed, my left arm tucked around his side, I suddenly felt the absence …
God’s Grace #19: Happiness is…
going back home for the Fourth of July. Marv wanted to go to his hometown of Prinsburg, Minnesota, for their annual holiday celebration. Our son and daughter-in-law made that happen. They flew in over the previous weekend and our son drove us the three hours there, then another three hours the next day further north …
God’s Grace #18: Change
Our situation has changed. Two days ago, I wrote the note below to a closed online group for people who are living with Stage IV Small Cell Lung Cancer. Nearly 100 people have acknowledged that post, many of whom are bravely trying to beat this cancer. I’d like to share that note with you here: I’ve …
God’s Grace #16: Reprieve
We are taking time off from cancer. Not really. But we've been pleasantly distracted with a few-day visit from friends, and while they were here, we visited Pipestone National Monument in Pipestone, MN, about an hour from our home. From the Monument's website: For countless generations, American Indians have quarried the red pipestone found at …
God’s Grace #14: Dying Naturally
I feel alone as the spouse of someone living with Stage IV small cell lung cancer who has chosen not to seek treatment. I’ve found no one in the exact same boat of uncertainty, so I have no one with whom to share my anxiety of when our “untreated” situation will change and what that …
God’s Grace #13: Denial Won’t Work Anymore
*** “I couldn’t do what you’re doing,” we hear frequently, referring to my husband’s decision to forgo cancer treatment. It’s not been too hard so far because Marv’s been “normal.” But that changed last week when he sprouted his first new nodule since the one removed on January 23 that led to his diagnosis of …
God’s Grace #12: Time with Old Friends
“Be open to God’s work in your lives,” our minister said Sunday. He concluded by saying don’t put God in a box. When we stood in line to shake his hand after church, I said Marv’s continued good health reminds me that God is not in a box. God is working outside of any box …
God’s Grace #10: Given “Extra” Time
When I was a psychiatric nursing grad student in the 80s, I did a clinical practicum on an oncology unit. As I live through our "waiting game" now, I remember what one of my patients said to me. He'd been given six months to live and had outlived his six months. "I've said good bye …
Write Along with Me 